When The Bloom Burns by YD La Mar & Selena Michaels

Author:YD La Mar & Selena Michaels [La Mar, YD & Michaels, Selena]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-06-26T18:30:00+00:00

It took some string pulling, but I was able to secure another last-minute appointment with the psychologist the VA provided about a week after the incident. Sometimes it is hard for veterans to be seen. Most times the doctors don’t think there is anything wrong with them. I never had that issue. My pain is on my skin, telling the world what I am before I even open my mouth to speak. I didn’t expect today’s session to go the way it did. The therapist hit some triggers in me, and I exploded.

“Just remember to think clearly enough to use some of these techniques. They’ll help you.” Her soothing voice didn’t calm me.

“I need to get a handle on this. You don’t understand. There’s going to be a baby in the house. I can’t let this destroy what safety I’ve built around us.” I groan out, unhappy with this progress. This needs to happen sooner than later. Can I rush the process?

“I understand your concern. You can only control what you can. Practice. Use your techniques. Things take time,” she soothed.

I don’t want to feel like I’m going to have a tantrum at the drop of every loud sound. They call them episodes, but I think of them as uncontrollable emotions. I lash out. I don’t love these things about myself. I want to be rid of them.

Twenty minutes of my session down the drain because of my episode. It took me twenty damn minutes to pull myself out of it. For all the lack of control I felt, I feel some of the power come back to me now that the episode is over.

I still feel like a failure.

How am I supposed to make Aekta feel safe around me? What about the baby?

Thinking about her outside in the waiting room relaxes me a little. I was too selfish of a prick to let her stay at home, my paranoia is at an all-time high ever since that bastard trespassed on our land. I made her drive me to the appointment and wait in the lobby. Was that wrong of me? It doesn’t feel wrong. I need her with me. I need to know she’s okay.

She probably heard me losing my shit, but I hope she also understands that I’m doing this, not just for me, but for us. For all of us.

Pfft. You’re kidding yourself, Ignacio.

Let’s be real, this is mostly for me and my sanity. I want her to see me as a full man, not half of one. My leg twitches. That’s a whole other problem I’m not yet ready to mentally tackle right now.

One thing at a time, I guess.

“Mr. Hernandez?” The therapist sounds a bit exasperated.

Damn, how long was she calling me? “Yeah.”

“I’ll see you on your next visit.”

I catch a small smile and know this is salvageable. Just need to focus on the present.

“Right. Right. Thanks, Doc.”

Walking out the door, Aekta looks up from her magazine. The bruises on her face make my mood tank.

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